Creating a Win-Win
How do you create a win-win situation with your toddler?
The young preschooler by nature is the master of battles. We have witnessed and experienced the change of season clothing battle, the “I want it the way I want it” battle and the “I don’t like it” battle for the past few weeks! It is important to choose your battles wisely and create a win-win for you both!
Let’s look at how to create a win-win situation, since that is the preferable outcome.
When your young child is thrashing about, stomping, yelling or whining, you might want to banish them to the moon until they grow up. Not possible? Then remember this, your child is not being disrespectful but rather learning how to be a leader. He/she is learning how to voice his/her opinion and looking for your respect. The young child is learning how to navigate the world by asking why (over and over) instead of accepting your word. So let’s see, raise your hand if you want your child to blindly follow the leader! Not so much. You want your child to listen and respect, remember respect is earned.
There are several ways to make things easier for both of you and empower your child at the same time. First, create an environment of mutual respect. For the young child this means, listen to their side of reason. It might be completely unreasonable to you that suddenly your three- year-old wants to wear her party shoes to school. Stop to find out why and there may be a great explanation or story how she and her friend had a plan to have a princess dance party at school. If the rule is “shoes with ties for school” you now have a place of understanding for compromise. Remember you are not giving in, just respecting his/her opinion which is part of your win-win plan.
Second, offer choices and make sure that either choice is acceptable to you. Put out two pairs of pants that you find appropriate and then let your child choose. Your young child is just beginning to understand that he/she has an individual voice, and that it can have an impact on his/her world.
If compromise or choice is not possible, explaining helps your child learn that there is thought and reason behind what you have asked him/her to do. This goes back to raising a leader not a follower, remember perhaps your child is not being disrespectful but rather he/she is seeking an explanation to a situation that makes no sense to him/her.
Lastly, to fend off some outcry try to give clues or “warnings” that a transition is about to occur. In nursery school we have a timer or we flicker the light or we give a verbal reminder. This helps to set the children up for what is ahead.
We all want to win, child and adult alike. Cheers to setting up win-win situations!
The “talking” blog
Let’s reflect on our practice of talking to children.
Just the other day an early childhood colleague jokingly said, “you should be a commentator” as we were walking with a group of children and I was pointing out trees, birds, trucks and signs along the way. In my quest to evolve as an early educator and person, I try to listen to what people say to me at a deeper level. I recalled an article I had recently skimmed about talking to/at young children.
How much should we talk to children?
The answer is children should talk to us. Asking children too many questions can lead to a child not talking at all. Imagine being bombarded with “what are you doing?”, “what are you making”, tell me what you drew”, “could you add/change this?”, “look at this, look at that” and on and on. There would never a peaceful moment to reflect.
Children like adults need quiet to reflect and assimilate information. If we allow uninterrupted space children will come to us with what they need.
Does your classroom or life have peaceful moments where you can reflect? This week practice being quiet.
Are you unique?
I heard a story this week about an older teacher who “wears tall socks with her shorts”. I am an older educator so I reflected on this. She was categorized as odd, different, and out of touch by younger educators. This teacher clearly was held in the spotlight of not being in touch with or connected to the much younger “in crowd”. I pondered, but how does this reflect in her teaching?
Some of us try hard to fit in while others reject cookie cutter replications and express ourselves by wearing tall socks and shorts! As professionals we are modeling for children that we are confident in our own choices and that they should be confident in their choices no matter what popular opinion is.
There is a balance to being old and wise and young and hip. I am in the struggle to find that balance myself. Here is to being unique!
Valentine Box
This Valentine’s Day let’s use a recycled cereal box to make a Valentine box for cards and treats.
This is a fun inexpensive interactive Valentine’s Day project for young children.
You will need an empty cereal box for each child, some wrapping paper (or paint) and stickers or cut out hearts.
Procedure:
Tape the box closed.
We opted to wrap each child’s box as painting took several layers to eliminate show through. It is possible for an adult to spray paint the boxes first.
Our children enjoyed the process of wrapping the boxes in festive Valentine wrapping paper.
Next we laid the wrapped box down and cut a slit in our Valentine Box for cards and goodies from our friends.
We labeled one Valentine box for each child. Finally, the children decorated with cut outs and glue. Some children added stickers. Our Valentine Box is complete.
Time to deliver the Valentine cards and treats!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Eliminate a behavior
Expectations for behavior are defined by our culture, by society and the environment in which we are in. We have different expectations for behavior in the library or church than we do for the playground. We want to guide young children to behave in a defined way as appropriate to the situation.
There are some behaviors we’d like to see in any environment such as manners (yet even the definition of manners can vary widely). What happens when we wish to eliminate a behavior?
First, ask yourself what is my child doing and why? What needs is he/she trying to meet? Then think, is this behavior unacceptable? Is it important to stop? Also consider, is the behavior age appropriate?
If yes, then reflect, can I adjust?
If you cannot adjust, focus on the behavior and its effect on others not on the child (person). “Yelling is loud and hurts my ears”. Refrain from saying “YOU are (pick one)___________ “loud”, “bad”, or “naughty”.
Make observations that you can see and or hear without making a judgement. “Wow that is loud.”
Do not wait to respond. Ten minutes after an incident is too long for a young child to process the feedback you are providing. Allow the child time to process what you are saying, this could take a few minutes.
Give information and not advice. Communicate clearly why the behavior need to stop. Allow the child to come up with solutions for themselves. The ultimate goal is self-regulation. You may offer to help by brainstorming. “Yelling is loud inside, is there another place we can yell that might not cause your friends to cover their ears?”
Lastly, be flexible and make all solutions appealing when possible. “Can we yell into the trashcan?” I would personally prefer waiting to yell until we go outside. Occasionally, I have to be flexible in accommodating an immediate solution so we yell into the trashcan!
Encourage Please!
Part two of encouragement or praise.
As a result of my professional goal (blog-Encouragement or Praise) I was asked to describe internal control for young children. One of the goals of early care is internal control. My intentions were good however my answer needed refining!
I found that three words, self-regulation, self-control and internal control are used interchangeably to describe the process of learning expected social behavior. Should we praise or encourage to get the desired results? We want all children to learn the process of internal control. How do we help young children achieve this?
The simplest way to answer that is by the environment that we set up. My colleague made a wonderful point about each individual child’s unique set of circumstances and temperament. Children need flexible adults to help acquire the skills of self-regulation.
The point is environment matters. As early childhood educators we must learn which types of phrases encourage and acknowledge. We alternately need to know which phrases are external empty praise remarks.
When we praise it needs to be specific and not far reaching or generic please refer to the list below. Doc1 for a bigger view.
•Phrases to avoid since they impose • Phrases to consider that help
outside “authority”, external control or children develop their own worth and
simply your opinion. It is best to allow not the worth you impose, which
the child to value his/her own effort, might seem impossible to measure
work or outcome. up to.
Encouragement or Praise
My professional goal for 2015 was to acknowledge the difference between encouragement and praise and then incorporate the findings into my practice. I knew that I wanted to encourage children rather than praise them.
I was looking to eliminate from my practice praise statements where I put a value on the child’s work, ideas or accomplishments. I started my research by noticing how much I said “good job” and “I like_____” as both phrases are praise as are other statements that are similar to this.
I replaced these statements with comments that at first sounded bland to me and perhaps even phony but they allow the children to internalize and decide for themselves a value on their accomplishment. I now try to use specific observation such as; “you used yellow”, “you got your boots”, “you figured it out”, “you tried hard” or encouragement such as a simple high five, thumbs up or smile works if you observe the child to be proud, happy or accomplished.
My ultimate goal is for your child to feel good from the inside out and not need strokes of empty praise from those around him/her.
Merry Christmas
Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas!
photo: Fairbanks, AK
Welcome New and Returning Families!
Welcome New and Returning Families!
We are so excited for the new school year and cannot wait to get started! This year will be filled with exciting adventures, fun projects and educational activities. These will be designed to help prepare the children for life’s endeavors, understand dynamics and engage in small and large groups, and become familiar with concepts they will further develop throughout elementary schooling and beyond.
We are welcoming so many new families, and are also mixed with bittersweet emotions as we send off our graduating students to continue their academic journeys in kindergarten.
Please join us for the end of summer playground playdate and Art Show on Friday, August 28th from 4:00-5:00 PM.
FGNS Kids
Please label everything your child brings into school. Each child brings hundreds of personal items into the school throughout the year and it is not possible to keep track of what belongs to who. Things fall out of cubbies, children take things off and throw them on the floor, give them away to another child or put them in the wrong cubby. In order to avoid confusion, we respectfully ask that you label absolutely every personal item that your child brings or wears into school. This may include but is not limited to sippy cups, thermoses, water bottles, lunch boxes, containers, jackets, hats, mittens, boots, slippers, comfort items, blankets ect. Anything special, valuable or irreplaceable should not come into the school. If your child comes home with something that does not belong to them, please return it in a timely manner. We thank you for your understanding and cooperation.
Welcome New Teachers!
We want to extend a warm welcome to our new staff who will be officially beginning their journey teaching at Friendship Garden Nursery School full time for the 2015-2016 School Year. They are all thrilled to be part of our team and excited to further enrich the children’s lives with excitement and intrigue. Their objectives in the next few weeks will be to learn all about the children and their families, and continue to offer the structure, social, emotional and academic education the children need to thrive.
We appreciate your understanding and patience as everyone continues training for the last few weeks of summer. We recognize the importance of consistency in caregivers and are committed to maintaining a high standard of excellence in the quality of early education experiences offered here at FGNS. The new teachers were carefully selected, are in the process of undergoing comprehensive training and each has offered their assurance they are reliable caregivers and focused educators.
Meet Our Staff
Alexis Turner is our new Lead Teacher, stationed in the Toddler Room. Alexis has over 20 years experience teaching in preschool and toddler classrooms. She is also the mother to 3 wonderful daughters, Ashton, Emily and Ava. We are thrilled to have Alexis on our team as we know she will bring a whole new level of excitement for our amazing group of toddlers. 
Olivia Fluker will be the full time Teacher for our Pre-Kindergarten classroom. Olivia is developing a comprehensive curriculum plan to prepare the children for kindergarten and beyond. She is working hard to create a full schedule of fun and engaging activities and projects. She will be working in collaboration with Megan and myself to implement these plans effectively throughout the year.
Megan Foster will be the full time Teacher Assistant in the Pre-Kindergarten classroom. Megan is so happy to pursue her career as a preschool teacher. She will be working more closely with the young preschoolers to allow them more flexibility in academic based projects and increased support in social emotional development and potty training.
Loose Parts
Young children learn most when they are actively participating in the learning process by interacting with adults, each other and the environment. The materials that children interact with are placed in one of two categories, open ended or closed materials. Open ended materials are materials that can be used in many different ways, opposed to closed materials that have one intended use. Wind-up toys, puzzles, talking toys, worksheets and coloring pages are a few examples of closed materials. These types of materials have only one correct way to use them and they require very little higher order thinking.
Loose parts are categorized as open ended. Open ended materials encourage thinking, creativity and experimentation. Loose parts play is intended to be limitless and timeless. It is helpful to think of loose parts as something that will inspire imagination and creativity for each child based on their unique personality and temperament.
Loose parts can be natural or synthetic. They are materials that can be moved, carried, combined, redesigned, lined up and taken apart and put back together in multiple ways. Loose parts can be used alone or combined with other materials. There are NO directions with loose parts.
Let’s look at aluminum cans. They can be stacked, rolled, used as containers, hollered into, kicked, used in the play kitchen as imaginary food, become a telescope, etc. They are virtually indestructible, easily replaced and free (except for the original contents).
Here is a list of loose parts in the environment. It can be found here: ribbonshttp://extension.psu.edu/youth/betterkidcare/early-care/our-resources/tip-pages/tips/loose-parts-what-does-this-mean
Loose parts in a natural play area:
water • sand • dirt • sticks • branches • logs • driftwood • grasses • moss • leaves • flowers • pinecones • pine needles • seeds • shells • bark • feathers • boulders • rocks • pebbles • stones
Loose parts on a playground:
balls • hoops • jump ropes • tires • sand • water • dirt • straw • boulders • rocks • stones • pebbles • buckets • cups • containers • digging tools • chalk • scarves • ribbons • fabric
Loose parts in an indoor environment:
blocks • building materials • manipulatives • measuring • pouring devices (cups, spoons, buckets, funnels) • dramatic play props • play cars, animals, and people • blankets • materials • floor samples • water • sand • sensory materials • recycled materials (paper tubes, papers, ribbons, caps, lids, wood scraps, wire, foam, cardboard) • plastic gutters • small plungers • tools • art materials (buttons, spools, natural and colored popsicle sticks, beads, straws, paints, brushes)
What else can you collect?
